*screaming in my heart*

These last 2 months have not been fun. I finally made it back home utah for a visit. I remembered too late why I really don't like utah mormons that much. Yes the is a diffrence if you have to ask you then need to get away from utah for a summer. Then my husbands buddy got hurt and it really shook us up. Thank God he will be ok. But it just reminded us of how quickly all of it can be over. Then I came home and my a/c breaks while I am out on a really humid day and I'm on the 2nd floor too. By the time I get home it was 100 degrees in my house my thermostat on the a/c only goes to 95 my thermometer on my clock says 102 so I figure 100 degrees well I had every window in the apartment open and the door wide open every fan I owned going and the matinence guy tells me the earliest he can have it fixed is in the morning. Then about 3 days later I agree to become the company FRG leader! If u don't know what that is I'll dumb it down for u. I am in charge of 80-90 families! Its like a being a babysitter,boss,volunteer, and the activies chairman all in one. Yeah usually the company commanders wife does it but our new CO is single and the only person willing to do it is the PRIVATES WIFE!!!!! One of the LOWEST RANKING persons in the company! Don't ask me why I agreed to do it. I'm just mental just ask my doctor. Oh then 3 days later I crash my husbands truck. The newest of our 2 cars. Yeah these last 2 months have sucked. But I have also been blessed. I got to go home and see my family, my husband was not injuried in an attack, I wasn't seriously injured in my car accident. I am extremely grateful to my Heavenly Father for watching out for my husband and me. Things could have been so much worse I know that and I am grateful that they weren't. But sometimes it just feels like the whole world is picking on me all at once and not in little bits. Maybe its because my main support is 8,000 miles away and I don't have anyone to share the burden with, at least not easily. Maybe I am having another nervous breakdown but more slowly this time. Maybe its residual affects from my nervous breakdown. Maybe I'll never know but sometimes I just want to be held and the one person who can do that isn't available at the moment. Only those how have or are going through a deployment know what a struggle it is to keep your head up everyday for your soldier. Some days we can't do it and we stay home. Other days we do but we feel like we are breaking inside. Most days we do what we have to do then at the end of the day we lay down to go to sleep and we look at the empty spot next to us and just cry the dispare, frustration, fear and loneliness away until we can sleep. Lately it seems like that is all I have been doing. I know I'm being selfish but sometimes u need to be a little selfish to get through the hard days. Be grateful for everything that you have. Thank God everyday for the gifts that you have. Don't forget that in a single moment you may lose everything and everyone that is important to you. Live everyday like it is the last you'll have. You'll never regret it. Promise.

update

Hi everybody I just wanted to send a quick update and to ask if anyone has any wedding pictures still or any that u think aaron might like to see please email them to me so I can send them over to him. Aaron is doing good tired and ready to come home but he is hanging in there. For those who have sent letters or packages thanks that is the life blood over there every bit counts. If you need his address email me I'll be glad to send it to you. We have had an exciting month I was in a car accident a week ago I am ok but sadly the truck needs to see a body shop but in a few weeks it should be good as new. And in the when it rains it pours category our air conditioner broke and I had to sleep with my second floor apartment @ 95+ degrees. (luckly the apartment complex replaced it the next morning.) Our car has been having troubles but nothing that some TLC and a bit of money won't fix. We have been greatly blessed this last month that neither one of us was seriously hurt with our seperate accidents. Thank you to everybody who has been praying for us. It has helped more than we could imagine. Thanks to Chrissy for helping me with Aarons christmas present. As soon as he gets it I'll let you know how he likes it. If anybody wants to send Aaron anything for christmas you will need to send it by the end of october first of november. It can take up to 2 months for him to receive a package so please keep that in mind as u send him things. Thanks for all the support and prayers that y'all have given us. Love, Anna

The Dress Size

I didn't used to be so concerned about my weight or dress size until I realized that it ballooned out of control. At 19 I was getting married and I was wearing a size 16 dress AT 19! I wasn't really concerned because I thought "Well if he he doesn't like my curves he wouldn't be marrying me" and so I continued to ignore it. Well my husband joined the army a few months later and I REALLY got big. We moved and he deployed.....well you guessed it I grew more. I had to start wearing a shirt and skirt because no dress would fit.... I had grown to a size 18. Well one move and deployment later we wanted kids so I went to the doctor and had my check-up and I was SHOCKED to discover I weighted 200 lbs! Luckily I hide my weight well. No one would have guessed I weighted so much, including myself. The doctor (very nicely) suggested I lose some weight to make it easier to get pregnant. Well it never happened, come to find I have a condition that makes it difficult to get pregnant. With the stress involved in trying to get pregnant I lost 20 pounds to make it a even 180, still wasn't enough. They still recommended that I continue to lose weight. Well with the stress from trying to get pregnant and get ready for another deployment and trying to get my husband promoted. We started to have some serious marriage problems. Just like any normal military couple. Only we felt alone and that no one had ever gone through this. Which only made the stress worse. What happened you ask. Well Aaron lost weight and I gained 10 lbs. Finally I said enough, I can't live like this anymore. So we solved our problems, I threw out my stash of junk food and went to the store and bought healthy food. Finally I started to lose weight! 1 month to deployment I started to go to the gym more and more. I was losing weight like crazy. Well it finally came down to pulling up my pants with a belt on or buying new pants. So I told Aaron and we went and got me a few pairs of jeans that weekend. They no longer fit. None of my clothes fit. Since Aaron has deployed I have lost 20 lbs to make it a total of 50 lbs that I have lost. Since January of this year. Finally my weight is getting back to were it should be. I got curious tonight about exactly what my dress size was. So I got out the dress I haven't worn since I was 16. (you know the one you save in hopes you'll fit in again) and to my surprise it fit better than when I wore it last. Guess what size it is.... (drum roll please) it's a SIZE 8!!!! That's right I went from a size 18 to a size 8! Well I was wondering if I fit in a size 8 how does my wedding dress look on me now? I got it out of my closet, put it on and got it buttoned halfway before my arms wouldn't reach anymore and it was still loose. I had to stick my stomach out like I was pregnant to get it to fit the way it used to! No wonder people were asking us when we were due. All I could think of was "WOW! I was FAT!!" Thank you GOD for a wonderful man who would take me when I was THAT big. If he thought I was beautiful then how can I tell him that I'm not now. When it finally shows on the outside....what he has always seen on the inside. I would have never made it to where I am now if it wasn't for that wonderful man who made me feel beautiful no matter how heavy I got. If it wasn't for him cheering me on and giving me that support to lose the weight I would have never lost it. THANK YOU SO MUCH AARON!!! I LOVE YOU . The NEW size 8 me!

The Important Things

Well it's been over a month since Aaron deployed and I have to say it's been REALLY hard. A lot harder than the last deployment that we had and I think I've figured out why. Last deployment we were still working on becoming a couple, a unit. Now that we've had a while to learn it's hard to give up that support system that you come to depend on a daily basis. It's hard to go back to being a single for the most part. But for the important part you still have each other. The Births, Anniversaries, Holidays, New jobs, Graduations, the things you will treasure for the rest of your life. You learn to forget the unimportant things and to forgive easier. It's funny that for some people it takes a deployment to remind you of how good you have it and although being married is FAR from easy it is MORE than worth it. If I have learn one thing in this past month it's to hold on to the important things like a phone call once a week, secretly hoping that a letter will be waiting in the mail box when you get home, the pictures he sends, the sound of his voice, the way he can make everything better with a single hug, his touch and smile, the way he can make you laugh without any effort at all, the way he makes you feel safe, cherished and loved with a single look. I pray that I never forget the important things in our marriage and that I don't clutter it with the everyday hassles that plague us through out our lives. I pray that you don't forget the truly important things and that you never forget to say I LOVE YOU when you part and mean it. Because you never know when they will be gone, whether for good or just a little while.

Sick of it all

I am sick to DEATH of people telling me that they know what it is like to have someone deployed because their brother/brother-in-law or cousin or friend or whatever is in the military!!!! YOU HAVE NO IDEA!!!!!! It is completely diffrent when it is your HUSBAND or son. It is like 1/2 of you has been ripped out of you. Your not whole with out them there beside you in your arms. SO please don't tell me you know how it feels unless you've been through it or are going through it. Because unless you have/are you have NO IDEA and no right to try and tell me that.

He's Gone

Hi Sorry I haven't posted in a while. My internet died the day Aaron deployed. Well he is gone...... He left March 28th for Afghanistan. He IS doing the FULL 15 months despite of the new order from President Bush (that doesn't go into affect until August). I do have his address if you would like it send me a email or call me and I'll get it to you. He has been calling every Sunday so yes I have heard from him. He is doing good the have internet and phones, running water, electricity, and hot meals (which are WAY TOO good everybody is getting fat!) We never thought that we could be be so grateful for those things but let me tell you Aaron is definitely thankful for the washing machine and dryer. :D sorry i don't have much more if you want to send him something let me know and I'll get you a list of things he has requested. Thanks Love, Anna

Life's Crazy Day

Just a quick update about us and Aaron's deployment. They have moved the deployment date up it is earlier in that same week if you want the exact date give me a call. I got a transfer with my job so I will be working more hours at a nicer theater with people my own age. All that it left to do is the paper work Bleck! We''re going to try and give everyone a call before he deploys But just in case he doesn't get you. He is what he wants you to know. Hi I'm gonna be ok. I'll be gone for 18 months. But it will go by fast. If you need my address let Anna know she will get it to you. Try not to worry about me I'm going over with a great bunch of guys. Pray for me and my company while we are over there. I love you all. Thanks Aaron. During Aaron's deployment I am going to have a prayer list this is for the guys in Aaron's Company who would like us to pray for them. I have 2 names so far Aaron and our friend Justin Stuart. If you would like to participate please pray for them that's all you have to do. I will update the names here in my blog. I love you all Anna Oh if you wondering how the clomid did. Sorry better luck next time. Hopefully by 2010 we'll have a baby in the family. Anna

Latest Robison Insanity

Hi Everybody

Well everything has been going crazy around here for the last few weeks. Aaron is deploying next month. He is going to Afghanistan. He will be deployed for 15 months so he'll be home sometime next summer.

If you were wondering why we haven't had kids yet.....I finally got to see the Doctor about all of my tests and we are both perfectly health but I'm not ovulating (which jives with his diagnosis of PCOS) so my doctor gave me a pill called Clomid. (my mom used this so I know it works) Hopefully I should ovulate and maybe we can get pregnant before he leaves next month. Yes we'll know if we are expecting before for he deploys......Yes we have thought this through with the deployment and what it means if we do get pregnant(which is why we have a great support system in place...All of you! :D)......No He won't be coming home for the birth as we don't know if we are even pregnant or if he can even get hose dates off....... We are pretty sure of his mid-tour dates but are unable to let anyone know because A. OPSEC and B. we still aren't sure that he can even get those dates again it just depends on the time and what is going on.

I plan on coming out to Utah around last part of May to early June I'm still working it out with the other people I will be driving with. Hopefully by then I'll have some pictures of Aaron and his Farewell to show everyone.

I am still working on getting my endowments so that when he gets home from deployment we can get sealed in the temple after he gets his endowments too. Wish us luck and please keep us in your prayers

Love Anna

Are You Laughing Yet????

Current War Stats

World War-1914-1918 (4 years)

Allied Casualties- 15,000,000 US Casualties - 116,516

World War II - 1939-1945( 6 years)

Allied Casualties -62,000,000 US Casualties -405,399

Korean War- 1950-1953 (3 years) Allied Casualties - 350,000 US Casualties - 36,568

Vietnam War-1959-1975 (16 years) Allied Casualties - 66,161 US Casualties - 58,177

OIF(2/27/2008)- 2003- Present (6 Years) Allied Casualties- 4,280 US Casualties - 3,973

OEF(2/27/2008)- 2001- Present (8 Years) Allied Casualties - 772 US Casualties - 450

D-Day June 6 ,1944 Allied Casualties 10,000 US Casualties 6603

Pearl Harbor December 7 , 1941 Casualties 2,403

September 11 September 11, 2001 Casualties 2,973

For comparison United Kingdom total population 60,000,000

Funny that this War has gone on longer than WW I and the same amount of time as WW II but is not even CLOSE to the amount of deaths. And for that matter the war has gone on LONGER than Korean War but still not even CLOSE to the same death totals.. Funny how in WWI and WWII men and women would MOURN the fallen but CHEER for the living yet today the fallen are exploited for political gain and the living are cursed and attacked by the media. Isn't funny how the Soldiers you curse and condemn make it possible for you to have the RIGHT to criticize them and the government without fear of reprisal. Strange that FDR declared war on Japan the VERY NEXT DAY. But it took President Bush 1 year and 7 months before he declared war on Iraq yet people say that he was too hasty in his decision! Sad that a CIVILIAN doing the SAME EXACT JOB in Iraq as the Soldiers yet get paid thousands more a month but when it comes time to give the Soldiers a hard earned raise the money has suddenly dried up or disappeared. Funny what they DON'T put on the news or in the newspapers. Funny???? Are you laughing yet??? Information provided by http://icasualties.org/oif/ http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Main_Page http://users.erols.com/mwhite28/warsusa.htm#USWar