Merry-Go-Round

Well here we go again. We are about to start fertility treatments again. I'm not sure if I am excited, terrified, annoyed or apathetic or all of the above. I am tired of the maybe I am maybe I'm not crap that happens every month. I am not sure if I can take the disappointment again and again and again every month. I want a baby so bad I'm just so tired of the disappointment and heartache of not being able to conceive. The thing I want most in this world is to have a baby. But it never seems like it will ever happen. I am so nervous about what might happen at the appointment tomorrow. I have to be there for 2-2 1/2 hours i am really nervous that they might find something else wrong with me or That everything will get worse or that I will find out that we will never be able to have kids. I just hope that everything will work out. That even though it may be hard that I will have the strength to keep doing the treatments when faced with nothing but disappointment. Wish us luck and keep us in your prayers. Anna and Aaron

Welcome Home 2009

Aaron came home on March 21, 2009 from a 12 month deployment. I am so happy that he is finally home. I am looking forward to the next year with him it should be full of ups and downs. But I look forward to every one that comes. Aaron is studying to be a Warrant Officer this year. Hopefully he will be able to get into the Warrant Officer program in the next few weeks. I am trying to start up a photography business. So far it is going pretty good. I am slowly getting more business. Wish me luck. Aaron and I are going to try and go to the temple this year. Hopefully we can get sealed together this year. Please keep us in your prayers for going to the temple. I'll try to keep you updated as this year goes on. Anna

Photography

I have taken up Photography lately It is really exciting actually I love going around and seeing what I photograph turn out so well. I have decided to start a mini Business SR Photographs! You can email me at srphotographs@gmail.com I will be creating a blog soon to show the pictures I have taken. I can't wait Anna

*screaming in my heart*

These last 2 months have not been fun. I finally made it back home utah for a visit. I remembered too late why I really don't like utah mormons that much. Yes the is a diffrence if you have to ask you then need to get away from utah for a summer. Then my husbands buddy got hurt and it really shook us up. Thank God he will be ok. But it just reminded us of how quickly all of it can be over. Then I came home and my a/c breaks while I am out on a really humid day and I'm on the 2nd floor too. By the time I get home it was 100 degrees in my house my thermostat on the a/c only goes to 95 my thermometer on my clock says 102 so I figure 100 degrees well I had every window in the apartment open and the door wide open every fan I owned going and the matinence guy tells me the earliest he can have it fixed is in the morning. Then about 3 days later I agree to become the company FRG leader! If u don't know what that is I'll dumb it down for u. I am in charge of 80-90 families! Its like a being a babysitter,boss,volunteer, and the activies chairman all in one. Yeah usually the company commanders wife does it but our new CO is single and the only person willing to do it is the PRIVATES WIFE!!!!! One of the LOWEST RANKING persons in the company! Don't ask me why I agreed to do it. I'm just mental just ask my doctor. Oh then 3 days later I crash my husbands truck. The newest of our 2 cars. Yeah these last 2 months have sucked. But I have also been blessed. I got to go home and see my family, my husband was not injuried in an attack, I wasn't seriously injured in my car accident. I am extremely grateful to my Heavenly Father for watching out for my husband and me. Things could have been so much worse I know that and I am grateful that they weren't. But sometimes it just feels like the whole world is picking on me all at once and not in little bits. Maybe its because my main support is 8,000 miles away and I don't have anyone to share the burden with, at least not easily. Maybe I am having another nervous breakdown but more slowly this time. Maybe its residual affects from my nervous breakdown. Maybe I'll never know but sometimes I just want to be held and the one person who can do that isn't available at the moment. Only those how have or are going through a deployment know what a struggle it is to keep your head up everyday for your soldier. Some days we can't do it and we stay home. Other days we do but we feel like we are breaking inside. Most days we do what we have to do then at the end of the day we lay down to go to sleep and we look at the empty spot next to us and just cry the dispare, frustration, fear and loneliness away until we can sleep. Lately it seems like that is all I have been doing. I know I'm being selfish but sometimes u need to be a little selfish to get through the hard days. Be grateful for everything that you have. Thank God everyday for the gifts that you have. Don't forget that in a single moment you may lose everything and everyone that is important to you. Live everyday like it is the last you'll have. You'll never regret it. Promise.

update

Hi everybody I just wanted to send a quick update and to ask if anyone has any wedding pictures still or any that u think aaron might like to see please email them to me so I can send them over to him. Aaron is doing good tired and ready to come home but he is hanging in there. For those who have sent letters or packages thanks that is the life blood over there every bit counts. If you need his address email me I'll be glad to send it to you. We have had an exciting month I was in a car accident a week ago I am ok but sadly the truck needs to see a body shop but in a few weeks it should be good as new. And in the when it rains it pours category our air conditioner broke and I had to sleep with my second floor apartment @ 95+ degrees. (luckly the apartment complex replaced it the next morning.) Our car has been having troubles but nothing that some TLC and a bit of money won't fix. We have been greatly blessed this last month that neither one of us was seriously hurt with our seperate accidents. Thank you to everybody who has been praying for us. It has helped more than we could imagine. Thanks to Chrissy for helping me with Aarons christmas present. As soon as he gets it I'll let you know how he likes it. If anybody wants to send Aaron anything for christmas you will need to send it by the end of october first of november. It can take up to 2 months for him to receive a package so please keep that in mind as u send him things. Thanks for all the support and prayers that y'all have given us. Love, Anna

The Dress Size

I didn't used to be so concerned about my weight or dress size until I realized that it ballooned out of control. At 19 I was getting married and I was wearing a size 16 dress AT 19! I wasn't really concerned because I thought "Well if he he doesn't like my curves he wouldn't be marrying me" and so I continued to ignore it. Well my husband joined the army a few months later and I REALLY got big. We moved and he deployed.....well you guessed it I grew more. I had to start wearing a shirt and skirt because no dress would fit.... I had grown to a size 18. Well one move and deployment later we wanted kids so I went to the doctor and had my check-up and I was SHOCKED to discover I weighted 200 lbs! Luckily I hide my weight well. No one would have guessed I weighted so much, including myself. The doctor (very nicely) suggested I lose some weight to make it easier to get pregnant. Well it never happened, come to find I have a condition that makes it difficult to get pregnant. With the stress involved in trying to get pregnant I lost 20 pounds to make it a even 180, still wasn't enough. They still recommended that I continue to lose weight. Well with the stress from trying to get pregnant and get ready for another deployment and trying to get my husband promoted. We started to have some serious marriage problems. Just like any normal military couple. Only we felt alone and that no one had ever gone through this. Which only made the stress worse. What happened you ask. Well Aaron lost weight and I gained 10 lbs. Finally I said enough, I can't live like this anymore. So we solved our problems, I threw out my stash of junk food and went to the store and bought healthy food. Finally I started to lose weight! 1 month to deployment I started to go to the gym more and more. I was losing weight like crazy. Well it finally came down to pulling up my pants with a belt on or buying new pants. So I told Aaron and we went and got me a few pairs of jeans that weekend. They no longer fit. None of my clothes fit. Since Aaron has deployed I have lost 20 lbs to make it a total of 50 lbs that I have lost. Since January of this year. Finally my weight is getting back to were it should be. I got curious tonight about exactly what my dress size was. So I got out the dress I haven't worn since I was 16. (you know the one you save in hopes you'll fit in again) and to my surprise it fit better than when I wore it last. Guess what size it is.... (drum roll please) it's a SIZE 8!!!! That's right I went from a size 18 to a size 8! Well I was wondering if I fit in a size 8 how does my wedding dress look on me now? I got it out of my closet, put it on and got it buttoned halfway before my arms wouldn't reach anymore and it was still loose. I had to stick my stomach out like I was pregnant to get it to fit the way it used to! No wonder people were asking us when we were due. All I could think of was "WOW! I was FAT!!" Thank you GOD for a wonderful man who would take me when I was THAT big. If he thought I was beautiful then how can I tell him that I'm not now. When it finally shows on the outside....what he has always seen on the inside. I would have never made it to where I am now if it wasn't for that wonderful man who made me feel beautiful no matter how heavy I got. If it wasn't for him cheering me on and giving me that support to lose the weight I would have never lost it. THANK YOU SO MUCH AARON!!! I LOVE YOU . The NEW size 8 me!

The Important Things

Well it's been over a month since Aaron deployed and I have to say it's been REALLY hard. A lot harder than the last deployment that we had and I think I've figured out why. Last deployment we were still working on becoming a couple, a unit. Now that we've had a while to learn it's hard to give up that support system that you come to depend on a daily basis. It's hard to go back to being a single for the most part. But for the important part you still have each other. The Births, Anniversaries, Holidays, New jobs, Graduations, the things you will treasure for the rest of your life. You learn to forget the unimportant things and to forgive easier. It's funny that for some people it takes a deployment to remind you of how good you have it and although being married is FAR from easy it is MORE than worth it. If I have learn one thing in this past month it's to hold on to the important things like a phone call once a week, secretly hoping that a letter will be waiting in the mail box when you get home, the pictures he sends, the sound of his voice, the way he can make everything better with a single hug, his touch and smile, the way he can make you laugh without any effort at all, the way he makes you feel safe, cherished and loved with a single look. I pray that I never forget the important things in our marriage and that I don't clutter it with the everyday hassles that plague us through out our lives. I pray that you don't forget the truly important things and that you never forget to say I LOVE YOU when you part and mean it. Because you never know when they will be gone, whether for good or just a little while.